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If Not Now

from The Void and You by Nick Walker

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lyrics

Fear at night
Growing in my chest
Lest I should forget
To pay tribute to my pain

It shares your face
It says I can't relate
To what's outside this cage

And I know it's not true
It's not proof, it's not you
But in this cloud comes my doubt
And it's wearing death's shroud
If not now... If not now, when?

Day brings the haze
and all the fickle ways
that I leave myself behind
all the while I claw and scream

In such limited flesh
born chained in the dark
I embark with a hope
and life pulls that hope apart

And I know it's not true
It's not proof, it's not you
But in this cloud comes my doubt
And it's wearing death's shroud
If not now... If not now, when?

Falling into old pain again, as if we have to
Leaving other people behind, as if we can't choose
living in a desperate design, but is it true?

If not now, if not now,
If not now, when will I see
all I need is around me?
If not now, when will I be?
If not now.

Falling into old pain again, can there be more room
To let another person inside, so they can move too
I will trust for now but is it true?

credits

from The Void and You, released February 17, 2017

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Nick Walker Boulder, Colorado

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